one day Squamish

Mi primer dia gris en Squamish hace mover mis pensamientos de forma mas rápida, las ideas en mi cabeza no puedan parar de pinchar en lo mas profundo de mis interrogantes. No puedo definirlo como miedo, solo se que un día más, en mi rutina de la ignorancia " I don´t know nothing, absolutly nothing" Puedo leer las páginas del pasado, pero no puedo adivinar ni una pieza mas de mi futuro. La incertidumbre del mañana me atormenta rompiendo los esquemas de la soledad más absoluta.
Tomar las decisiones de forma precipida no siempre sale bien, y es por ello que se llama aventura. De alguna forma yo tengo un motivo y varios pros y contras en el. El camino sencillo, es aquel que no quiero tomar pues no cumple mis espectativas de futuro. Al parecer no hay nadie que camine en el mismo rumbo que yo. Este largo viaje, tengo la sensación que acaba de empezar y cada dia es más largo , más gris y con olor a cafe que me hace despertar bien temprano. Pero nunca veo el sol.
Cuando deseo llorar, hay dias que la estupidez me acobarda. Llorar, ninguna solución a la vista y ninguna mano amiga que empuje a seguir. Quizás un cuento de niños donde los finales siempre son dulces, esta noche me deje dormir.

My first grey day in Squamish make me feel damn. My mind is thinking about everything, jumping about my own questions, about life. I' m 22 years old. I' m far a way from everything what I know. I' m feel just lonely , and sometimes don't so much brave... My firsts and last question is my future. Do you ask yourself about your future? I have no an idea. I remember when I was living with my exboyfriend, I had house, I was working ... So I just was thinking I was in my way. Now, I can be sure I was not. Now I am in the right way, just I don't know where end. Perhaps, I am a little worry. I don't know if what I am doing is the best thing to do.
My live changed. I'm sure if I come back come its not going to be the same... One year! Wow. The time is running away. And I have the sensation this way just start. The days are grey in this city, smell at coffee all day and have the most beautiful trees. Everyone it's looking for a little sunshine. But I can count with my hand how much time I saw it.

This adventure make me stronger, brave and a new person. I'm learning so much. I recommended everyone go other country and try to leave six month or three there.

Also... The sensations are stronger then normally. When I need to cry , honestly I don't know how. I'm feel so stupid crying for myself without getting solution. Without someone who hug me, without a long chat with my best friend ... Here cry it's nothing! Just a feeling ... But with the time, it's a reason for think in something else, do some sport, eat chocolate or watch a silly movie where everyone end happy .

Maybe it's this one my plan for today.
Movie&chocolat