Point 1. Thinking

Life...sometimes I can´t sleep thinking about future, present...
I was thinking to write step by step to you what happened this year, but today I need to tell you about today.

Well, you will know why and how come I am here, in other country.  So much things happened. So much things changed. ... but I will tell you later.

Today one year after leave from home, and also trying in someway don't feel so much. With that I mean: I am trying to be focus in my professional life. And be far away from love, friends, hang out... But honestly, sometimes that is so difficult.  And finally I met someone, like four month ago.
I'm not the kind of girl who can be with someone the first day , and neither I don't like the idea *friends with benefits. (And I think is the best way to life, but its not for my. I normally have so much feelings, so much emotions...) The point is... I don't know how start: so much point.  Well, when I met him, I was trying to change my mind and  think what ever happen will be fine, just enjoy... but we are being hang out every week, having a nice time ... and I love it. He show me so much new things, and when he hug me every lonely sensation I missed.  Now,... I don't know what to think, what is going on with this boy? I have no idea. He told me  like he wanna keep meeting, and we miss me...
But now he is far a way for a month and half, and this is my second week,.. and Today I was thinking so much about him.
Shit¡!
I don't want felt in love, I don't want suffer.
I am thinking to talk to him and say bye for always. He is from here, and me... me I have no idea where I am going to end. At the same time I don't know what He wants, I even understand what he feel or if we are friends with benefits. I dont get the relations ships jet.

I am still asking myself if I should believe in love or not. Sometimes I feel like is just attraction, and I miss him because everything what I do is with him. The bad thing, I don't know people here, so Him is pretty much everything for me here: friend,.. but for him I am just a estrange. Just I don't think He is having the same sensation then I have. Maybe I am just a toy for a little while...

I need clear my ideas. What I should to do?
I should don't see him again?