Point 1. Thinking

Life...sometimes I can´t sleep thinking about future, present...
I was thinking to write step by step to you what happened this year, but today I need to tell you about today.

Well, you will know why and how come I am here, in other country.  So much things happened. So much things changed. ... but I will tell you later.

Today one year after leave from home, and also trying in someway don't feel so much. With that I mean: I am trying to be focus in my professional life. And be far away from love, friends, hang out... But honestly, sometimes that is so difficult.  And finally I met someone, like four month ago.
I'm not the kind of girl who can be with someone the first day , and neither I don't like the idea *friends with benefits. (And I think is the best way to life, but its not for my. I normally have so much feelings, so much emotions...) The point is... I don't know how start: so much point.  Well, when I met him, I was trying to change my mind and  think what ever happen will be fine, just enjoy... but we are being hang out every week, having a nice time ... and I love it. He show me so much new things, and when he hug me every lonely sensation I missed.  Now,... I don't know what to think, what is going on with this boy? I have no idea. He told me  like he wanna keep meeting, and we miss me...
But now he is far a way for a month and half, and this is my second week,.. and Today I was thinking so much about him.
Shit¡!
I don't want felt in love, I don't want suffer.
I am thinking to talk to him and say bye for always. He is from here, and me... me I have no idea where I am going to end. At the same time I don't know what He wants, I even understand what he feel or if we are friends with benefits. I dont get the relations ships jet.

I am still asking myself if I should believe in love or not. Sometimes I feel like is just attraction, and I miss him because everything what I do is with him. The bad thing, I don't know people here, so Him is pretty much everything for me here: friend,.. but for him I am just a estrange. Just I don't think He is having the same sensation then I have. Maybe I am just a toy for a little while...

I need clear my ideas. What I should to do?
I should don't see him again?

I remember my old wishes.

I remember when I was just a little girl. My wishes for my future was not what now I wish. I couldn't imagine how will be my life, but was not in my mind at all live in other country. I think I was hoping find the right love , have a house, have job.. And not so much else. Today it's nothing close to that, I don't know what to think about love, Im not sure if I hope have my own house, and about job... It's everything about job. I wish get the perfect job, learn , get experience, growth at the company and maybe make my own company. All other things I'm not sure what exactly I want. Unfortunately love it's an enigma in my mind. I know I don't wanna imagine myself alone, and I would like be with someone who make me happy, who I can travel with, enjoy the life, make plans, have fun... Sounds easy. It's just the way I want love, but I have the sensation it's not that easy. If I'm honest I'm scared to suffer for someone, and everything it's more complicate when it's two people. Two people what thinks different, ... That means we need to learn how find the balance sometimes. And also, the honestly... I'm not feel like I trust anyone jet.
... But it's not just that... Sometimes I'm asking myself; what it's love? I suppose to feel like my heart go more fast , like the life is pink ...? Really? I feel like that is just a fals publicity. I would love find a Man who wait for me with a rose at my door, who surprise me with candles and a romantic dinner, who say to me the most beautiful things, but this not a real man. My ex boy friend did, yes! The three firth month, after that he was just him. This second him, was not romantic was nothing. So my pink world was in the garbage. What I need to hope about man or about love? I really don't know.

But if I think about traditional life, buy a house, have kids... I just I don't feel in the same page. Have kids it's not in my way, I can't imagine myself doing every single day the same. I wanna keep my free time for adventure, for travel, ... Buy a house? Why? I did, and was just something what cut my freedom. If I have a propriety it's for make money. Money for make money for me. There is the secret. That its something what I know now, and it's in my mind everyday. I'm looking for find the way.

Actually Im focus in get the best education for my future, and trying to find my way in the present, but without so much rules... Just living at the some point unprevisabol.

But everything change , it's like the skin , like the cels in the body... Your life, your wishes, ...can change at the last minute. Who knows.just live every single second the way you wanna life that second. Stay away of the dark, be positive, passionate and brave, because never will be now again.